From pain to peace

Healing after pet loss

Losing a beloved pet is one of the most heart wrenching experiences any pet owner can go through. Pets are not just animals. They are family members who give you unconditional love and companionship for many years. The grief that follows their loss can be overwhelming, but it’s important to remember that while the pain may feel unbearable initially, it will ease with time.

What is grief?

This seems like a strange question, but it’s important to understand that grief is a natural response to loss. It reflects the deep bond you shared with your pet. Each person’s grieving process is different, but many experience similar stages: shock and denial, anger, depression, and finally acceptance.

When you finally reach the acceptance phase, you will find that your overriding memories are of the happy times, and that the pain of the day you lost them has faded. The time he rampaged through a family picnic on his walk, the way he chased waves at the beach, or his curious need to sleep on your head at night — these are the memories that will stick.

How to ease the pain

There is no textbook for this, but there are a few ways you can help yourself move through the grief process.

• Lean on your support system

If you have close friends and family, especially if they have been through a similar process, lean on them. Talk to them about your grief, cry with them, share memories of your pet with them. It can be incredibly comforting to share your feelings with those who understand.
The Blue Cross provides a wonderful pet loss and bereavement service which you may find useful. If you don’t feel you’re making progress under your own steam, you may wish to speak to your GP or consider seeing a pet bereavement counsellor.

• Accept triggering emotions

Healing is not straightforward and some days will be harder than others. Early on, a day might not go by without a tear, but that’s OK — allow yourself to feel the feelings as they come. There may be emotional triggers for some time to come, like a visit to a particular park, perhaps. It's okay to feel sad, to have setbacks, and to miss your pet dearly. Suppressing grief can prolong the healing process, so grieve at your own pace. Avoid comparing your grief to others - each person’s journey is different.

• The power of memorials

Your vet may have provided tributes at the time you lost your pet, such as paw prints, ashes, or fur clippings, but there is plenty you can do later on too.

1. Create a photo album
2. Plant a tree with a plaque in their honour
3. Make a donation to an animal charity in their name
4. Decorate a personalized stone for the garden
5. Get a piece of jewellery made with your pet’s ashes or name on. There are companies which specialise in memorial and ashes jewellery such as Ever With and Chris Parry Jeweller, and plenty of lovely options from Etsy sellers too.

Creating memorials can be a comforting step that helps keep that feeling of closeness to your pet.

• Remember the happy times

While it’s natural to focus on the pain of loss, gradually shifting your focus to the happy memories you shared with your pet can help you heal. Looking at photos, reminiscing about the funny moments, and talking about your pet can bring smiles instead of tears.

• Find a new routine

The change in your daily routine can be one of the hardest adjustments after losing a pet. When you’re ready, making new routines can help fill this gap. Maybe take up a new hobby, or re-discover activities you enjoy but have perhaps neglected. Make sure you eat well, sleep well, and stay active too. This will all help your emotional wellbeing and give you the best chance of being able to process your grief.

The journey after you lose a pet is very personal and often challenging. The pain will feel so raw at first, but if you allow yourself to grieve properly it will become gentle acceptance and eventually, peace. This doesn’t mean forgetting your pet, but being able to focus on the years of joy they bought, rather than the sadness of their absence.